Traveling Alone

Common theme of my recent blogs has been about my life and entering into the adult world. Granted I have only been in it a little over a week, I can already feel myself transforming! Let me begin by explaining that I went on vacation after a week of work. Trust me, it was much needed. Poor me. Well I left directly from work to get to the airport. Of course I leave 2 hours early because I'd like to consider myself a nervous flighter. I am not sure why. I have literally flown the world but for some reason I can feel anxiety set in when it gets close to take off time. So I am waiting in security and a young man behind asks me if I am heading home from a busy trip.

Wise and well traveled business woman (aka me) turns to this other young business man and say "Yes I am. I just left the office and heading out for a family vacation only to return to another busy trip on Monday morning." His response "Wow I understand the traveling. Well good luck with your travels. Hope the road isn't to rough on you!"

Man did I trick him! I wasn't a well traveled business woman (well at least in the sense of business trip) but I tricked him! I sounded like a pro. Today I appear completely differently at the airport. I am in a big tshirt, shorts and tennis shoes. I look like a college student heading home from a beach weekend. My wisdom I've gain this pass week has faded simply because of my appearance. I guess that is how life is. Depending on how you look depends on how others view you.

Well since I have a small layover before I reach my destination, I have decided to people watch. People watching is an art! You can't get caught but you have to watch just long enough to be able to develop a story. There are so many stories to tell! There is a newly married couple that is coming back from a honeymoon because they are both slightly on the red side and can't stop kissing each other or holding hands, or the loving father that finds a way to kiss each of his children while walking down the terminal, or the business man who travels often and he seems numb to the people around him or the grandpa that has called his wife at least twice to tell her he loves her. These stories are all so different. These people are all so different. At this very moment, I don't think about their house, or how much money they have or where their final destination is but do they love the Lord? Do they have the love that continues to save me? Do they even know what they are missing out on? These are the moments I want to yell GOD LOVES YOU. But honestly, how many people do you think listen? What about I just have the conversation with a military man sitting by me that doesn't look a day over 18, or the middle age woman who has had a long week of traveling or the new hire who has moved to a new place just like me! These are the people we are challenged to touch and make a difference with. These small conversations can have such an impact on people's souls! Life is so short but we have SO many chances to spread the word of God. We have to take advantage of every opportunity we have.

Life is hard, trying and unpredictable. I know my life I will physically be traveling alone more often than most but I will never truly be alone! The Lord will walk with me and guide me through everything I have ahead of me. I am always interested to see how things work out but until then I just have to keep living day to day.

Beyond Blessed

The past couple of days have been the longest, hardest, and most rewarding days I have ever had in a row. I have been given a chance to preform at a level I never knew was possible in a person's career. Everyone I have met in so in love with their job and have a passion that I haven't seen in most adults I have experienced in my own life. I am beginning to see why my life is moving the way it has been. My major finally makes sense, the relationships I have formed are coming together and even my recent struggles have better prepared me than I ever thought they would. Don't misunderstand, I hardly have anything figured out but I know the Lord is speaking to me and guiding me to do great things. Being surround about individuals that have high values for themselves is extremely rare and allows to show me how much can be gained by continuing down a fulling lifestyle. I do not even deserve any of this.

The Lord continues to bless me in way I never knew were possible in a lifetime and it leaves me in awe treasuring all these moments I have. I am learning, being challenged, growing as an individual, and preparing to move and leave a legacy of my own. I have a great opportunity to speak to a man that has had an inspiring life. He has held 12 different titles in 18 years because he continued to do great things for the company and they wanted to continue to us him to improve other areas. He was asked "What was his legacy within the company?" He took a moment to give some thought to the question. Turned to our small group of 3 new hires and said "Improving and helping others find their own!" WOW!!! I want to live that lifestyle. I was left speechless (which doesn't happen often) and I knew that was a lifestyle to reflect. These types of moments which I have had often this week have left me feeling beyond blessed in the life that the Lord has chosen for me. This day was a great day and I know the next will only bring me closer to the Lord! Just keep on living

New Chapter

Here I am in my new home. Starting new things. All by myself.

These past couple of days have been eventful to say the least. I went on a 12 hours road trip with my mama and memaw. These women are more than interesting to say the least. They can literally talk for hours. I feel like memaw knows the entire city of Huntsville and has story after story. The first 3 hours of the road trip I joined the conversations and wanted to be a part of them. After a certain amount of time I became confused in the entangled social network my memaw is a part of and my mama was raised in. I enjoyed the time I had with them. Listening to them with music planning in the background allowed me to see the potential relationship I could be able to form with each of them. It allowed me to be excited for the unknown future I have with these women. I was thankful for these woman and laughed to myself listening to them. Dinner the first night was eventful. Young and youthful Cate decides to walk into the boys bathroom and ask a gentlemen in there that if this was the women's bathroom. Most people would know that if these is a person of the opposite sex in the bathroom it is a dead give away that you are in the wrong place. Not me. I stood in there about a full minute before noticing the equipment in the bathroom that is only located in men bathrooms. My mama said I was a shade of bright red she has never seen a person to turn before. King beds are big but difficult to get good night sleeps when there are three people in one and you happen to be in the middle. What to know how I got my assignment? Not because I asked for it. Because my memaw said that she can't sleep next to windows and my mama gets hot flashes in the middle of the night and needs to have a way to allow her leg to escape the covers. Guess that means I am in the middle. Unpacking and exploring my new home was fun and scary. Realizing that I would be here alone and my only family is a plane flight away is something hard to realize. Saying goodbye I thought I could handle. I will be seeing these women in 5 days for our annual beach weekend. The moment I hugged my mom, the tears came. I think mothers have a way that when they pull a string and the emotions come from no where. Then they were gone and I was alone. Officially on my own.

Tomorrow begins a new chapter for me. I am entering into the adult world. I have been trying to live in the nows and not look too far to the future. This has been testing my faith and has helped me through several difficult situations the past month. My life has always been set for the moments that I have been living them. These unknown and anxious thoughts have stayed in my future where my mind was not going until this very moment. The dark tunnel that I have referred to before has become my now. It has become the moments I need to focus on and live. I don't know what will happen tomorrow or Tuesday or even Friday. I don't even see my feet below me. It's scary and I know a lot of young adults are going through these exact moments I am experiencing. People have has these moments and survived a million plus more before my own experiences. I am sure each person has felt the exact same as I do right now. Knowing this and believing this are two completely different things. I know the Lord will guide me in my future. I know he will challenge me and help develop me into a woman who is ready to lead others, find someone to love, spread his own word and make a difference in people's lives. I am not looking to change the world as a whole but if I could impact a single person, that is the world I would love to change. Its hard to get your heart and head on the same path. I have to trust he is going to great things and even though I can't see my own feet he has a strong grasp on my hand and taking me down a path I never could imagine for myself. I need to have faith in him and trust that he has that very perfect plan.

First lines of my quiet time, "I am nearer than you think, richly present in all your moments." He is here with me in my now. My unknown, scary now that I am currently living. This portion of my life is going to put my faith to the test! "Now faith is being of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" -Hebrew 11:1. I do not see anything right now but I have faith he will provide and do great things in my life. Well here I come New world, New life, and New chapter! I am scared, excited and so not ready but this is the path the Lord has given me and placed before me. I have a strong grasp on his hand and don't plan on letting go. I will survive this storm and the darkness will turn to light.

Moment of Stillness

The world stops. You have been given a moment to breath and take everything in around you. As I am swinging on our porch, the skies open and it rains. Not that light summer rain that you know will pass quickly. The rain is hard, the thunder is loud and its a rain the Lord gives to the Earth to help continue growing. I treasure these moments. I breath in the air that is mixed with the smells that summer brings. Its calm and the world is still. As the rain pours all animals, insects and even people are finding protection. So there is nothing out in the rain but the rain itself. I don't get to have these moments on this porch for much longer. These moments are when I find satisfaction in my life and with the road ahead of me. The rain continues to fall heavy on the roof and my mind begins to wander. I think about nearly every aspect of my own life. The good, the bad, the hard and the nearly impossible to ever understand.

I find my thoughts coming full circle again and again to a common aspect. My walk with the Lord. I don't lead a very interesting life. I am not across the globe saving children's souls. I am not going to school to become a missionary or pastor or any of the above. I have been put on this world to do something but I haven't quite figured it out yet. The Lord has given me passions that are extremely different from an average southern college grad. I don't want to be married for at least several more years. I don't want to strictly be a stay at home mom. I desire to work and help others through leading by example or in a brief meeting. I desire to work with children either through bible studies or youth groups. I remember the men and woman that had an impact on my young life while seeking the Lord and I would love to have a small influence on others in the same aspect. Still haven't quite figured that one out yet. I desired to learn more even though I am through with college. I thirst for knowledge. Not just math and sciences but knowledge in everything life has to give us. I am independent and extremely strong willed. These differences in my own life have helped develop my own path. I am about to step into complete darkness. Not knowing what to except in this new portion of my life. I am staring into the darkness and will be entering into in only a few days. Its scary to say the least but then I feel the gripping of the Lord grasp on my heart. I know it will be fine. An adventure of the unknown.

The rain slows to a stop. The loud thunder that shook my house is nearly a small rumble in the far distance. As the storm moves, it gives more individuals the opportunity to have a moment of stillness. My moment has passed and my thoughts are gathered again and better prepared for the unknown. These upcoming days are unpredictable and unplanned. Time to begin to live in the darkness but what a thrill it will be when I reach the light and know I have survived it all!!

Preparing my Heart

Preparation is a pretty easy concept to understand. You have a task that needs to be completed and you gather the needed material to be successful. The gathering, learning, studying, understanding, etc is called the preparation stage. What if you needed to prepare for something that you don't even know when it is coming. It can be nerve raking. I am moving away from all my family and friends and preparing to enter into the corporation world! Don't misunderstand I am beyond excited for this opportunity and I know I am going to learn and grow in the next few months more than I have over a span of years. How do I prepare for that life though? I can't study it or gather the needed tools to ensure I will be successful. This life is not just about my job. Its about finding a new home, a church, friends, and maybe someone I can spend this new found life with. In school, you have a set standard that you must meet to make sure you get an A or the grade you are reaching for. You look online before entering into the classroom and read what will be expected of you. You are able to prepare for this class and depending on your work habits get ahead of other classmates. How do you do that with life? I know I have certain tools I have developed over the years through my working experiences, internships and other situations but besides that I feel kind of lost. I am going into the unknown and I have never felt so under prepared. This is where faith takes a hold of your life!

My relationship with the Lord is always changing and moving in different directions. Not because of God but because of my own doing. This man has played different roles in my life depending on my current situations. He has been the ALMIGHTY God, to a loving dad, to a strong support, to a shoulder to cry on and now my guide! This is how we grow and develop into Christians that are able to help support others because you have been through situations that the Lord was able to help you through. I have been at the lowest lows where I believed no light could ever shine. I have had my heart crushed but more importantly my spirit destroyed. I have believed that there could be no hope for my future and I would never have any of my hearts desired completed. Then I receive a phone call, a letter, a random strange that shows me the love of the Lord and no darkness can escape the light!! I am blind and walking through life. I am blind to the world because I am focused on God. Good things are going to come to me in the future. I know this and I trust in this! I am excited to see what the Lord puts in my path! Preparing my heart for this life is exciting and ___________. (fill in a word that describes I have no idea what I am preparing exactly for) Today is another day that is a gift to me! I am blessed it was given to me and we will see what tomorrow brings. Until then, the preparation will continue!

Reunion

MY SISTER IS COMING HOME!!!!!!!!! I am beyond excited to have my little sister return home. Granted she will only be home for about 48 hours those are going to be the best hours I have had in weeks. She has been going for nearly 8 weeks. I think this is the longest we have ever been a part. The worst part has been she has been without a cell phone, Internet, anything for nearly the entire duration of the weeks. This summer has been eventful to say the least and I have hated not having her here with me. I know I am the older sister but she is an outstanding woman. For those who do not know my sister, I will give a small description to help you form a small understanding of her. She is the most loving person I have ever met, she challenges me in my walk daily, she lives above the worlds influence, she has an intimate relationship with the Lord that most people will never understand or reach, she is a great listener but she will tell it to you straight, and has been my support for nearly everything in my life. This woman is an outstanding individual and I get to claim her as my sister! How humbling is that? So I am going to the airport and picking her up. We have over a month of catching up to do and I can't wait to hear her stories ad adventures she has had while she was away.

So today is a big day!!! I am thinking maybe making her a cake for her return. Issue: she has been away from Internet along with sweets and caffeine. I need to put some more thought into this then we shall we! I hope your day is lived out fulling and completely because today has been given to us as a gift but tomorrow is never guaranteed.

Musicals

So this evening I had the honor to see a musical with my dear mother. I am not sure if you have heard of this production but its called Phantom of the Opera. It kind of has been running for awhile and has a movie made after it but in case you haven't heard of it, I will give some back ground. There is a phantom that is ugly and crazy and kills people but loves this woman who loves a better looking man who loves her back and she chooses him over the phantom which makes him mad and so he goes crazier and forces her to marry him and (break for a breath) ends up having a heart and giving her bad to the better looking man. The end. I am not sure what it is about musicals but I think they are magical. The costumes, dancing, singing, lights, the story. Everything about them make me feel like its Christmas morning! I am an "adult" but I literally become a child the moment the curtains hope. I find myself smiling through the entire production.

When I saw Wicked I don't think I relaxed in my seat the entire time. I sat on the end of my seat, watching the actors flow across the stage and unfolding this story that was beyond anything I could imagine and I became captured. Maybe I am alone on these thoughts but musicals are amazing. They allow you to run away from the world and join something else. You become a part of the story and as the relationships unfold on stage they unfold to you as well. I become emotional involved through out the show. If there is a fight scene, I am usually out of breath or tired afterwards because I involve myself in the scene.

What if life was like this? We sang everything and nothing was spoken. Don't you think things would be so much better? Personally, I do not have a beautiful voice. Sadly the Lord blessed my sister with this gift since she entered this world. She was the kind of child growing up that would sing and we would ask her to stop and she never even realized she was singing. Or we would be in Kroger stopping for groceries and she would belt out in a melody over oranges and apples. She never had voice lessons it was just a gift given to her. I was in chorus for a few years then I realized how terrible I really was. My teacher liked me cause I read music well but I could never hit notes. I was the girl that had to hit low notes to help show the other middle school boys what it was suppose to sound like. Even though I do not have a musical bone in my body, I LOVE music. I enjoy everything that has to deal with music. I went to a festival last summer and it was heaven for me! Everywhere I turned, there were stages filled with some kind of musician playing. I wish I could walk around with my Ipod always in my ears. My favorite movies have dance or music inspiration. Maybe its because I am so UN-musical that I have such an appreciation for it. Maybe some day I will be able to enter in that realm. Or maybe I will always be an outsider looking through the window into this beautiful world that I know I can never reach which allows me to always have this great appreciation for it. This evening allowed me to be a child before officially entering into the real world! I love every moment of it and these moments will always allow me to return to my childhood and help me find pure joy in the smallest things!

These our the days we have, I am enjoying the living I am doing and look forward to everything else that is to come including the music.

Hopeless Romance

Have you ever been so in love that you feel blind to the world. This person is the first you think of when you wake and the last thing you will ever think of. This person is always on your heart and you want the best for them. You watch them struggle but you continue to love them. They turn their back from you but you continue to love them. They hurt you, disappoint you, let you down, break promises, choose someone or something else or simply don't love you back but still you continue to love them. Sounds crazy right? Sounds like this person is a hopeless romantic that is blind with pure unchanging love. How about a little twist is added to the plot of this story. What if you were the one being loved on? What if you were doing all these terrible things to this person but they continue to love you? What if this wasn't a person at all but the one who created everything you will ever lay eyes on? Our relationship with the Lord is always changing and moving in different directions. He has given a clear line to follow so why can't we simply follow it? I know I over think, over analyze, and expect the worst. How can I develop a relationship with the Lord if I live my daily life this way.

I believe I am a hopeless romantic. I love all the icky things that go along with it. The gifts, the surprises, the treats, or the simple notes reminding people you love them. I know I am guilty of blindly loving people. It takes a lot of me to fully trust someone but once they gain my trust it is game over for me. I trust them more than you can ever trust someone. I love them more than you could ever love someone. I never think bad things, or believe they will ever wrong me. Then something changes, they hurt me and I am left devastated and confused. I have to start over and rebuild my trust and love for that person from square 1. It all goes back to the beginning. What if God worked that way? What if every time we wronged him he makes us start from square 1. I think I'd be at square 1 my entire life. I would never be able to even reach another square. That is amazing to think that he loves us so much. I thought I was a hopeless romantic but He has me beat by a long shot.

Every girl wants that love story that puts everyone at awe. I even know some guys who desire this as well. We want someone to always love us and shower us with gifts that we never deserve. Guess what! You are living one this current moment. God puts together a beautiful sunset and sunrise every day for YOU! He is there through kind word from loved ones. He is that breeze that you so badly need when you are running. He is there at the bridge that causes you to trip but you continue to laugh a much needed laugh for nearly 20 mins. He is there for all of that. He knows when we ache for something and he will provide this for us. He wants to see us smile and laugh and find joy in the days he has given us. He gives us these good and bad times so we are in continual thanks of him. What a story I have with God! He has blessed me with a family that blows me away with the love they are ready to give me. He has given me friends that I couldn't of hand picked better. Some are in my life daily while some enter in during much needed times but they are there with love and support. He has even given me my swim team, my job, Auburn, my sorority, my support, my personality, and my passion for romance. HE has blessed us with things that you never even consider how amazing they truly are until you sit and think about it.

The biggest hopeless romantic is knocking on your heart and wants to be invited in. He will shower you with love and gifts that will put you at awe everyday. Trust in his plan and live in the nows. You will never get the nows back once they have left you. Treasure them and grow from them and have a story book romance with the one thing that will never stop loving you!!