June 29th

So my quiet time today told me that my first thought of the day should be the Lord. He is excited for us to wake up and think of him. Hmmm let me see what my first thoughts were.

1.Ugh who invented alarm clocks?
2. Why are beds more comfortable in the morning?
3. Do I really want to go running this morning?
4. What can I eat today?
5. Wow that was an odd dream last night.
6. Oh hey God.

I literally thought of anything else in the world before ever considering God. The moment my thoughts turned to him my anxious thoughts vanished. I have confidence in this day knowing that I am facing nothing alone. I went on a run and was able to catch up with a great friend while dying in this heat, I have a swim meeting at 1, then swim team banquet tonight! I love that many people can't believe I am actually a girl once I shower and put makeup on. These banquets always make me feel good about myself so today should be another wonderful day. I think I need to create habits that allow me to turn my thoughts to God initially. I will have confidence more quickly and I can face this day more cheerfully.

My common thought process recently is practicing living in the now. I have ever lived this way so it is such a change for me. There is less stress about the unknowns, I am less focused on myself and more on others, and man is it hard!! Its new and different but I know the Lord is using this time for change and help develop me into the Christian woman he wants me to be. I graduated only a month ago and who I was then and who I am becoming is extremely different. I was anxious for the future and was worried about distance but now I don't consider either topics. I am focused on the Lord along with other important relationships in my life. Distance is hard on all kinds of relationships but I love these people and I plan on keeping them in my life for a very long time!

"O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water" --Psalm 63:1

I am seeking the Lord and I am excited to see what he has ahead of my but I am loving the nows that he continues to shower at my feet. I deserve none of it and that is why I will always remain thankful in the Lord! This day is just another day full of life and love. Enjoy!!

All grown up!

So its official. I am a grown up and there is no turning back. I called my hotel today and told them when I should be arriving. Crazy!! Its only weeks away now. I am trying to put together a list of things I need to do but I honestly can't think of too much. Besides going to the mall and buying grown up clothes, I think I am nearly ready. That is so wild to think I am about to enter into the Adult World. Where babysitting money turns into a salary, where saving for a new pair of shoes becomes saving for retirement and etc. Once you enter the adult world does your mind set change completely? I think I am a fun person and I don't want to loose that because I have entered the grown up place. Is it still acceptable to hug people when you haven't seen them in a long time or is all hand shakes now? Hand shakes are for strangers I think I'll stick to hugging. I just wonder what adult me will be like. I hope not too terribly different. I have seen so many people enter the unknown of the grown up world and they become so boring. I still want to be silly with my best friends, laugh a lot, get loud because lets be honest I don't know how to be quiet, love everyone I come in contact and give lots of hugs. I am entering extreme adult world and its called corporate. I don't think these people have any idea what they are about to have coming there way!

So maybe I am not completely a grown up but I am entering into a new place where there will be grown ups. I just won't count as one of them. Not yet at least. Maybe I'll consider myself a grown up once I have kids or maybe when I retire. Those seem like more appropriate times to grow up. Looks like I have plenty of time to remain as I am!

This weekend was beyond a blessing. I got to spend some quality time with some very dear friends and actually reunited with some that I haven't seen in years. As I am sitting on the upstairs loft talking with 2 of my best friends I realize that we will always remain this way with each other. Even though I might not have them down the street anymore, I will always remain the same with them. We will talk about all the problems of the world and help be there for support. The best part of our conversation when it moved to be focused on our walk. And we listened to each other, advised each other and grew in the Lord together. In those few hours we all became closer to the Lord as well as each other. What a blessing that I have entered the grown up world but I know I will remain the same. Real life is scary, unknown, always changing and sometimes overwhelming. With all of that considered I am excited to continue with it. There is so much more we have to look forward to!

The Kindness of a Card

So my day began better than the last but still seemed like a normal day. I have had a good night rest, ate some breakfast, successful swim team practice, got to talk to my sister on the phone, go to the gym. Then it suddenly changed. I checked the mail and I received two cards from a dear friend. There wasn't a long message in them just a short sweet "Thinking of you". That is all. Suddenly I am overwhelmed with love and become emotional! I have a dear enough friend that loves me enough to send me a small encouragement. She knows I am overwhelmed with several different situations and just wanted to send some love. Most people in the world will never have that kind of friend and I have been blessed with nearly 10! I will get random text messages just sending love or no message at all. The best part is that I return the favor. I love to randomly reach out to my friends when they come across my mind. Life is busy and we very bundled down with issues and other topic we have to deal with but friends always remain! Thats is whats so amazing about the life I have been blessed with. OF COURSE i have my fair share of issues and heart ache but the gifts that I have been given will always win. Today was a reminder of that. No matter how hard things get, we will survive and have friends there standing by us. So I challenge you today to reach out to a loved on or friend and tell them you care and you are just "Thinking of them". It will affect them in a way you will never know and could be the encouragement they need to make it another day through their life struggles. Here is just a little picture of the card I received and I LOVE it!!! It has literally made my year so far. I am interested to see if anything is able to top this.

Well thats just another day to day living and it's only getting better!

Comedy of God

The first sentence in my quiet time today. "Thank me for the very things that are troubling you". Really? Have you ever have a moment when you know the Lord is talking directly to you? Well here is one of my moments. Times are hard and they will always be hard. The stress I am living with will continue to be there but only change slightly according to different situations in life.

My current stress in life.... What am I going to do with my life?! I have a job but I don't know where I will be located in a few months, I am moving all alone, going where I know no one, and starting brand new. Think about it. Everything is new. I have to find a church alone, I have to make friends alone, I have to work alone, I have to live in a hotel and soon an apt alone. This is scary stuff I am having to face. As I am having a small break down over it, I continue to read my quiet time and God beings screaming at me!

Philippians 4:6- Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Thank him for my troubles? God is a funny man. I honestly think so cause there are things he asks me to do that is not in my first nature to do. But that's the point right? He wants us to not do according to our nature but his own. Its a challenge to say the least but We have to do it. I am scared beyond anything else in the world! I am a planner that it drives me crazy sometimes. There has been two moments in my life where I did not have a plan. In High School there was a 2 wk period where I didn't know where I was going to school and in College when I didn't know my major for about a month. That's about it. I have always had most of my life planned to a tee and that has been my downfall the past couple of months. I can't plan everything because I don't know what tomorrow brings. Things change like the situation I am in now. I never thought I would be as lost and alone as I am right now but I am. And its time for me to trust in the Lord and know that everything is going to be OK. All the unknown of the future will remain there until I reach them. I don't know where I am living in 4 months... well Ill find out in about 3 months. No need to stress about it now cause I can't do anything about it! The Lord is going to do great things and I know I keep saying that and its a common theme in my Blogs but that's all I have. He has so much more to give me than what I have right now.

I am beyond pumped to find out what is to come and what has already happened that I haven't even learned from yet. But thats how we learn and grow in our faith for the Lord. Thats our day to day living! Things aren't the greatest right now but I know I will survive and the stress is out of my hands now!

My Blessing!

Best friends!!!! I couldn't ask for anything more than these girls. They have been by my side fighting for me and my love. They will always challenge me and make me feel like I am loved more than anyone deserves. I know my heart is broken right now but God is about to do great things for me. These women have showed me this in only a short week. I know it hard now but I will survive and I will be so proud of everything I have gone through. My theme song is Josh Wilson- Before the Morning! It is all about the pain we are going through now can't even compare to the joy we are about to experience. I have to hold on to that and trust it with everything I am. My heart is going to be rebuilt piece by piece because of the Faith in God and my Faith in my family and friends. These people will always love me even though he couldn't. I need to continue to pray and be in communication with the Lord.

So here comes another day! Its going to be hard and I am going to go through the highs and lows. I must keep talking about it so the healing keeps moving forward!! Thank you for everything I have been given Lord. These girls are at the top of that list! I couldn't of hand picked better friends than the ones you blessed me with. I love you so much and I am ready to keep on my day to day living!

Wait

Wait....

What a terrible word. Who ever first used that word was a terrible person I am sure of. Please Wait. Wait for your food. Wait for a plan. Wait for the future. And the list goes on and on. I know this isn't my strongest quality, waiting that is, but why does life have to be surrounded on waiting. It is just hard when you need information and all you can do is wait. You can't speed time up. Thank goodness I have invested in a blog. I know it is a blog that no one reads but it helps me gather my thoughts. I have a habit of my thoughts wondering very easily. My train of thought is always mixed up and NEVER makes sense even to me.

Wait. Wait. Wait. The Lord tells us to wait. We don't want us to control our lives. He tells us to wait and have our hearts wait on him. What a challenge he has set for us! Some people are able to take this challenge head on but I struggle with it every day! I find myself fighting against this mind set. A day to day living for me is learning to wait. I have been this way as long as I can remember. It is not something that I am accepting but I am this way and I have years and years of practice to work against. I am entering into a stage in my life that all I can do is wait. Wait for my job location, wait on my family situation, wait on a husband, wait on everything. I have no idea where my future will go but I need to continue to focus on the Lord and he will guide me there. It is the scariest thing I have come to terms with but I know I can do it. I am sure I will get lost but I have to trust when I am lost the Lord is waiting there waiting on me... and I know he will wait on me forever.

Wait... what a word... I think I am ready to embrace that word and have day to day living with it!

Hello Blog World!

So it has been a few days and my life is not too interesting. I am not a world traveler, crazy athlete playing in a world cup or anything like that. I am just another person getting through day to day events. I know that in the entire system of life I might not be that big of a deal but I am a big deal to people in my life. Example: my mom! I know what you are thinking. Moms are SUPPOSE to think you are a big deal. Honestly, I don't think we should assume that as a population. Moms have their own lives, sometimes jobs and social schedule. I know personally mine gives up a lot to insure I am OK. I mean the older I have gotten, I have noticed she has a ever growing social schedule but I know if I called her at the ripe age of 22 she should drop her schedule and be my mom. That is an exciting thing to realize.

Another example: God. Cheesy and easy answer but I am being serious!! He has literally taken the time to plan everything for us. I am sure it takes 0.0000001 seconds to do it but that is still time he is wasting on us. I am not sure if you have ever had a chilling moment with God but I sure have. In those moments, I know that nothing in the world is as important as I am to him. Let me tell you a story. So I am at the age of 12 where I fight with everyone and I hate everything. I was a pleasant child growing up except between the ages of 11-16. Those were dark long years for my family and I can never say sorry enough for how horrible I was. Any who.... I was 12 and decided to run away. I ran out of my house and down the street for about .25 miles (which felt like forever) and I stopped. I stood there and cried... well more like bawled! I cried and cried and cried. I am sure my neighbors thought I was crazy. So I started to pray feeling lost and alone. There there was a wind that blew me back. I ignore this burst of wind then it happened again and I looked around. The trees stood still, not a leaf moved but this wind blew so hard I stepped back. I was shocked! For a solid moment, my pain and hurt was the focus of the Lord. Nothing else in the world mattered except my hurt and loneliness. I turned and ran home knowing that was the Lords will!! CRAZY!!

Second Story: Well I ran a marathon last fall. I have begun training for my second one. Its hard since it is a million degrees outside!! The summer heat is not fun to run in. Anyways, for my first marathon I was not prepared or even close to properly complete it. I was not well educated but I still did it. So I am at mile 25.2 (a mile left) with blisters on bother feet that formed around mile 10. My hips were screaming at me, my legs had lost feeling, I couldn't catch my breath, no song could pump me up enough, nothing was working. I had a mile left and I was centimeters away from laying on the ground and making my family come find me in the woods of the trail I was running. I stopped running and was walking at a speed a 90 year old woman would have easily kept. As my knees are starting to bend to allow me to lay on the group my shirt it tugged! It scares me cause I physically felt it. Maybe the wind? Looked around, no wind. I continued to inch towards the ground then there was a hard tug on the front of my shirt... it was him! For a single moment I became his focus again. That moment was enough to keep me going and finish my marathon.

I have had 2 experiences my entire life that I have been the center of all his focus. I have always followed him and trusted in the Lord but those moments made me feel like a true daughter of his. He was able to take a break from him busy schedule to take care of me when I was too physically weak to continue on my journey. I do not consider myself a perfect follower but listen for a moment and trust in him during the good AND bad! He will always be there when he knows you can't continue without a little push or grab.

Well until next time, enjoy life and keep living day to day!

Life Choices

so I wrote this AWSOME post that was super entertaining and had all these life choices that needed to be made... but I don't know how to use my MAC and it got deleted. All of it is gone. When I say it was long, I mean it was long and amazing. Oh well I am sure I will find another story to entertain my blog with.

Long story short: Life choices are hard, but when it boils down the choices are always easy. It might not be something you completely want and it could hurt but the choices is clear and must be followed. The Lord never messes up what he has choosen us to do!

Another Day

So Another day has been successfully completed. Of course with plenty of rocks in it... but still completed.

Ugh the choices people live by... Its just frustrating. But why do I always find myself being the wrong one... WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE WAY I REACT TO THINGS?

Well until next time.

Lets Begin This

Hello Blogging World!!

So I have decided to begin a blog about my day to day life. Nothing too deep or witty or adventurous. Just the life that I live with all the boring stuff in between. I am not sure how often I will do this but I think it will be good for me to write things down. I have a terrible habit of beginning to think about a situation needing to be thought about, relationships that need some special attention or everything else and my mind wanders and I am left with nothing completed. Also I think blogging will help my spelling since I am TERRIBLE. I am an official graduate and I have a job, I must get a hold of my spelling issue and become an adult! So here is my first small step and the entire Internet community gets to be a part of it!! (I haven't told any of my friends or family about my blog because I am not funny or well spoken so I am sure no one will never read these)

So lets begin!

Why does life have to involve so much thinking? The main issue with my life is my mind. I am such an over thinker it sometimes hurt to even think about. I wish I could only focus on today and nothing else. Sadly, I have never been that way and even though I pray everyday to change my thought process I find my mind naturally moving back to that direction of planning and thinking too far into the future. I think its because sin finds our weakness and attacks!

Situation 1: Say there is a girl. A pretty normal girl but she has "daddy issues". Well this man comes into her life and he is perfect for her. He mets everything on her check list (all girls have one!) but she still struggles with the relationship. She is waiting for this man to leave her just like most other men in her life. Well that is not healthy. But why think that way? Because your mind is under attack!!!

I am a thinker. I know that and I hate it. I struggle with enjoying the nows in life and look forward to the maybes or what ifs. I don't want to be that 80 year old alone with a million dogs (I am anything but a cat person) and think "man I really should of enjoyed my 20s, 30s, 40s, etc!!" WHY blogging world? WHY? I am sure this has been asked a 100 times before and will be asked another 200+ more after. After thinking about a situation AFTER my reaction, I realize that my crazy planner future mind reacted and not the current mind. How do you find this happy middle?

Well thats just another day in my life! How is yours going?